Self Loathing Is Alive And Well In America

No, Nene, no! How could you have done it? What kind of world do we live in where this (formerly) gorgeous woman could look in the mirror and feel such self-loathing about her "ethnic" looking nose that she had a doctor hack into it and make her look like a drag queen at a Mary J. Blige look-alike contest? This "Real" Housewife of Atlanta is now "really" unappealing.

Oh, Nene.....I am stupified. There is no going back from this one, honey. I know how hard it is to keep your name alive in the public psyche, but this kind of stunt is just disgusting. Is she using Heidi Montag as a role model now? Aaaack!! I am so upset. I guest the next stop is Michael Jackson-Land. Will she start bleaching her skin next? What a sad commentary on how shallow and distant we have become from loving our real selves the way they are.

I am going to text Andy Cohen to see if he will talk about this on tonight's "Watch What Happens Live" on Bravo. Maybe he can even get her on the phone to explain her self-mutilating actions. I almost feel like she wants to look thinner without losing weight, or she wants to change her identity because of her (now publicly discovered) dubious parentage.

Goodbye to the old Nene, we'll miss you.

American Midol

I came to watch American Idol very late this season....last week as a matter of fact. And before that, a couple of seasons ago. Why? Just not that interesting. I tend to ask friends who are fans if I am missing anything, and then decide to watch or not. Having worked in theater for many years with some of the best fucking voices you will ever hear, I am super picky about singing talent. American Idol is supposed ("supposed") to bring us the very best the country has to offer. Really? It has become more like the best the country has to offer who will make a fool of themselves on TV for millions of dollars. The singing at the end of this season has been better than some, but let's face it, AI is jumping rope with the shark. They depended on the cutey cutester good looks of Lee Dewyze and that long blonde buffoon boy to keep us interested, while the dreaded dread-lock monster Crystal Bowersox (should have changed your name, honey!) swept the floor with them using her Janis Joplin-lite singing persona.

Crystal has knocked a couple of performances out of the ballpark, and if she doesn't win, it will be another manipulation of the outcome to suit the suits in charge of demographics, sales numbers, and Q ratings. She has stood out from the beginning, with her "I made my own dread-locks from yarn" look down to her own personal 5-foot tall bong microphone stand. Plus, she has more natural musicality and vocal talent than all the others combined. And yet, she isn't THAT astonishing. I wouldn't buy her album on ITunes, I wouldn't pay to see her sing in person; she just isn't that engaging. What ever happened to the people who wanted to be "Stars" with a capital "S"? That type that has waited their entire life to step onto a stage and change the world with one note? Perhaps that was left to the amazing Susan Boyle, who changed the world and millions of people in it with a 3-minute act of bravery. She KNEW what would happen if she got her chance; Crystal has no such inner vision. It takes guts, work, and fortitude to be a Star...perhaps we have all just gotten too lazy. The exploration of a true gift of talent is exhausting, and our National habit of convenience at any cost is costing us a lot.

Crystal will probably win, make the rounds of all the talk shows the next couple of days....we'll see pictures of her kid and her family, and then in a few months a sellable, middle of the road single will appear just in time for the beginning of a "new" season of American Idol. Which brings me to a bigger query: has the "Reality TV" boom reached a zenith? Is it on the decline as show after show continues with the exact same formula for 8,9, or even 10 years? Remember when Survivor swept the world with it's amazing freshness and controversy? That gay guy won a million dollars? What? I was even reminded a couple of days ago that The Apprentice was once the number one show in America. Oy. Yes, I am the product of "Reality TV" myself; I am quite well aware of it. I also have had a great career before (and after) I was a part of it. It definitely helped me; but I wasn't no one or nothing before my appearance in millions of American living rooms. And our fame on the show didn't just depend on who could be the most outrageous or obnoxious. I am looking at you, New Jersey.

Has Reality TV lost it? Like Madonna and Lady Gaga, musn't it keep re-inventing itself to remain relevant, or just fresh? The beloved Project Runway has lost 32 percent of it's audience in the last two seasons. Time to re-tool? Anyone? Or just keep squeezing it until it is a dead dry rag nobody wants to watch anymore? Other shows are on their way to this end; America's Next Top Model, Survivor, The Bachelor, The Real Housewives of Whatever, and yes, even American Idol are all on their way to post-modern obscurity unless we medicate and heal patient a.s.a.p.

Soon, we'll be back to scripted TV, but it will be filled with Reality TV stars.

(PS--Don't EVEN get me started on Glambert!)

Come Out, Come Out, Whoever You Are

Hold the phone here folks--how can the Congress, the United States and the World continue to discuss the confirmation of Elena Kagan to the US Supreme Court without mentioning the GIANT pink elephant in the room? (And I don't mean me wearing a tutu!)

That woman is a softball playing, Dinah Shore loving, cat owning, plaid wearing, power tool wielding, Playboy drooling, short haircut loving, sensible shoe wearing, Suze Orman worshipping, denim loving, Indigo Girl listening, dyed-in-the-wool carpet munching LESBIAN if ever I've seen one. And yet, so few media outlets even mention it. The morning of her nomination, I was laughing out loud at how obviously uncomfortable she looked in her matching pearl earrings and necklace. She is about as comfortable wearing jewelry as I am wearing a Speedo. Did she think she was going to stand up in front of the national news media and not get clocked in two seconds as a donut-bumper? Good lord honey, if ever there were such a thing as a "flaming lesbian" she fills the bill. I know, because I am a flaming faggot. I do not go on television and expect that people think I am straight, and just haven't found the right girl yet. Like Barry Manilow. Or Tom Cruise. Or Anderson Cooper. Come on Andy, we need you rooting for us out in the open. Tom, you can stay just where you are.

We need Elena Kagan rooting for us out in the open, too. What a breakthrough it would be (and an inspiration) for kids of all orientations to see someone living the American Dream. Out of the closet. Maybe she is a stealth bomber and realizes that she needs to keep quiet until she is confirmed. Let's hope so. She has already proven herself vocal in support of gay issues, so maybe the big announcement is on the way. Hopefully, in that fabulous Ellen way on the cover of People magazine. "Yep, I'm Gay." Wouldn't it be nice to see one of those with Ms. Kagan hugging her (not-so-secret) lover on the cover?

I'm envisioning one of those covers for lots of closeted famous folks...Ricky Martin did it and the world is still spinning along just fine. So, come on Elena, get yourself nominated, and then....Explode.

Goodbye, Doris

Sadly, on May 11th Doris Eaton Travis left the world after 106 years. I was so proud to have had a hand in bringing Doris to the New York stage one last time (see below).

If you are quiet, you can hear the silence of the end of an era.

Goodbye, Doris

Broadway Cares Easter Bonnet Competition

Long time, no blog...I know. I have been sick, moving my studio, and working on my favorite annual benefit, the Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS 24th Annual Easter Bonnet Competition. This is a big two-day show every year (sometime near Easter, but never on it!) when the big Broadway shows put together a show and compete over who makes and presents the Best Easter Bonnet. Right up my alley, I know. Nine years ago, I was approached by one of the actors in the huge hit show, "The Producers" who was familiar with my work to make their bonnet. I was nervous as hell, just a couple of months in New York and I would be competing with the big boys. I did my best, including a spinning Swastika (remember it was for "The Producers"...we were making fun of Nazis, I assure you!) and we won. They were all shocked at my 13 foot tall hat with remote control motors, and they never forgot my name. Over the years, I made 5 bonnets for "The Producers", and then I was asked to make the special opening bonnet for their 20th Anniversary show...that had a drag queen pop out the top of it(!).

Fast forward, and they asked me to appear in a "Project Runway" themed opening number, and to be a judge for the competition...what an honor. This year, they also asked me to make the special bonnet for the opening number, and to be a judge again. How could I say no? Every year, a very special lady makes an appearance at the show, and this year she was to wear the opening bonnet I was making. She is Doris Eaton Travis, the last surviving original Ziegfeld girl. And she is 106 years old. That's right: 106! I was so thrilled to make one of my contraptions for a woman who was in the show that started it all, "The Ziegfeld Follies". In my career I have gotten to visit, re-visit, and work with many institutions and people that I consider to be legendary, and today's opening number brought alot of greats together at once. I was grateful to be able to participate.

Doris is a little shaky these days, but still teaches two dance classes a week (!) so I made her a giant Easter Basket to sit in, and she was "wearing" a pair of 10 foot tall bunny ears in a "Lady Gaga" themed sketch. She came downstage to thundering applause and a standing ovation. Like Cindy Adams says, ".....only in New York kids, only in New York."

PS--The show this year raised $3.27 million. Wow...

Project Runway Finale Tonight

Who will it be? Who will win? Who will lose? I am sorry to say, I really don't feel that much about it one way or the other. Okay, screw it. This season pretty much sucked, only I'm not supposed to say that. I just feel that after so many weeks of re-tread challenges, low-budget quickie outfits, cocky assholes, TEN designers showing at Fashion Week, and the most interesting person (in my opinion) leaving the competition in the home stretch, it made for a pretty dismal season.

Quick--name your favorite challenge--?? Your favorite garment? Pretty hazy, isn't it? I don't know what went wrong with the show this season....It had all the usual suspects, plus they were back in New York. Maybe that's the problem; we've seen it too many times before. I guess that was bound to happen. And, like people, we tend to get bored of them if they always have the same thing to say. I love Kentucky Fried Chicken, but I wouldn't want to eat it everyday at every meal. Not even that new "Double Down" thing they are trying to make people stuff down their throats.

You can grill it, you can put it in a bucket, you can even stuff it between two other pieces of chicken...I think the truth is, until they make some major changes to Project Runway, no one's going to want to eat it anymore.

So, who will it be? Who will win? Who will lose? Will it be the Super-Cocky Emilio? The too-old to be a Rocker Seth-Aaron? The color-blind Mistress of Black and White Mila?

I don't know who wins; but I certainly know who loses.

Book Signing In New York Tonight!

Tonight, April 19th at 7pm I will be signing copies of my book, "I Heart Chris March".

Come on by to the Borders Books at 10 Columbus Circle!!

See you there,

Chris